To the Orphans

I am blogging after a really long time, it seems like its been ages since I last blogged.

I dont really know what thought do I write about, losing has so far been the name of game in my life,

There is nothing more dreadful or cynical in life than to lose your parents at an early age, harsh realities of life smack you on the face as if waking you up from a deep slumber.

There are so many choices given to you until you realize its all the same.

The old and the young all look out for whats best for you but in the end it really doesnt matter.

I am sorry I am guess I am not giving the reader all the philosophical bullcrap non-sense that I should be bestowing upon his or her mind, but excuse me if I am too cynical about all this.

A few year ago I was happy or at least I thought I was, the constant bombardment of false promises, unseen jealousy and unforgivable treachery finally takes it toll on the illusion of happiness.

I cannot seem to recollect any memory of my mother I wonder if that seems strange to you, I wonder if any of this makes any sense to you, I am just wonder what would you have done if you were in my shoes I wonder...

By end of this unusually baseless blog post I have come to realize that I have stopped making sense by the time I reached the middle of this post, but still am compelled by the forces of not blogging [for almost a year] to go on with my pointless blabber.

The people I grew up with were nice and kind loved me like a son, I failed them academically as well as financially, what else did I lose now?????

The one sister I had went to a different town, visits once a year..... what else did I lose???

The girl I loved left me for a better future.... damn it I cant seem to recall what I lost.

I guess I now live for what is to be gained from all that I lost like fire to ashes and ashes to fire, I can I gain?????

Sir Bertrand Russell

"Love is something far more than desire for sexual intercourse; it is the principal means of escape from the loneliness which afflicts most men and women throughout the greater part of their lives."
-- Bertrand Russell

Solitude

Eternal Solitude

This solitude of eternity breaks off the only buttress that supports the radical irony of life. My incompetence brings the paradox of my elders to reality. As I dream, I dream of pain, I dream of atonement …. But as I dream I know that it is a dream, and even though I know it is a dream I still can’t wake from it.


Deeper into the abyss of love I strangle my heart with the threads of sweet torture as she leads me into the world of dark pleasures I seek redemption in pain she provides my aching soul. Bleeding and breathless I cry for a hand in which I find refuge but I lose my vision as the blood blinds the truth of the serenity around me and my heart becomes aware that she is no longer mine.

My heart knows no bounds since inside the paradise of darkness you cleanse my heart of sorrows…. In my solitude I weep for happiness and joy. And she lends me her hands and spreads her wings to shelter me from the pain to protect me from this unbearable hold of solitude. Now at last amidst the green soft grass with her hands on my head, her love in my heart I know I am in heaven. I know that hope is not lost and that in time of suffering comes an angel to bless you with faith and hope